by E. Williams on 09/01/15 at 6:19 pm
HELL – (satireworld.com)
The Devil is complaining that Hell is getting too full of Islamic terrorists who insist on killing innocent people that don’t share their same worldview. He hung up a temporary “No Vacancy” sign outside the entrance after accepting the souls of the latest terrorists from France.
“These guys are whacked out,” Satan said. “Between ISIS and these lone terrorists performing these cowardly acts of violence, the place is getting really full. I am working on building an annex just to house the souls of the perverted Muslim believers who kill in the name of their religion, but we haven’t finished construction yet. These guys need to give me a little time.”
The Devil was dejected that the terrorists showing up at his door are claiming to have killed in the name of Allah or God, instead of him. “Yeah, that bums me out. You would think they would know better than to believe their god would want them to kill other people on His behalf, that’s MY job. And, while I appreciate their effort to bring terror on mankind, I just wish I could get some of the credit for it.”
“They don’t seem to realize, when you kill a cartoonist, for example, five more cartoonists will spring up to take his place! They’re so stupid. We’ll try to make their stay here as unbearable as possible – they definitely won’t be receiving any 72 virgins I can promise you that! I’ll just have to keep building on and expanding the size of Hell until these guys come to their senses.”
The Hebdo terrorist Kouachi brothers were going to have to bunk together until the devil can add more rooms. They have been booked into the Fire and Brimstone suite. The brothers complained to the front desk about the heater being on high and a strong sulfur smell in the room but were told this was normal. Enjoy, boys! Hope it was worth it.