Kerry: ‘Iran Limited To 30,000 Pound Nuke Warheads’

by on 13/07/15 at 6:45 am

Iran must verify its strategic fuse inventory and lengths every seven years by inspection conducted by the US Department of Agriculture's weights and measures division.

Iran must verify its strategic fuse inventory and lengths every seven years by inspection conducted by the US Department of Agriculture’s weights and measures division.


Insiders say Kery got the 10-ton idea from 'acciddently' released photos of Iran's secret front line bomber were released in The Shahib newspaper.

Insiders say Kerry got the 15-ton idea from ‘accidentally’ released photos of Iran’s secret front line bomber which were published in the Tehran edition of The Holy Shahib newspaper.


Iran will be allowed to build a bomb weighing no less than 10 tons and must have a fuse no longer than 12 inches.

Iran will be allowed to build bombs weighing no less than 15 tons each and must have a fuse no longer than 12 inches.


Geneva, Switzerland – (satireworld.com)

In a sweeping announcement at the end of months of negotiation, Secretary of State John Kerry outlined the signed weapons treaty that limits Iran’s future nuclear capability.

According to Kerry, any warhead that Iran builds cannot weigh less than 15 tons. “We see the difficulty Iran would have fitting a 15 ton warhead to a missile or used as a gravity bomb.”

Iran in recent days wanted parity with the US on bombs and warheads. Secretary Kerry finally gave in and cited the US military’s bunker busting bomb which weighs in at 30,000 pounds as a basis for allowing Iran to build nuclear weapons.

Iranian negotiator Bagar Honin confirms the treaty terms but slyly noted that in Iranian weights and measures ‘tons can be mere pounds if we say so.’

Kerry also announced ‘fuse restrictions’ on all future bombs that must be no longer than 12 inches. “We got ’em on this one!” Claimed Kerry as he showed photos of a 12 inch fuse burning quickly after it was lit. According to assistant negotiator Wesley Lauren, “we felt if the fuse was short enough they would be hesitant about the time they would have to seek shelter or be destroyed by the blast. Plus, who’s gonna be on board a missile with a lighter anyway”.”

Lauren had ‘no comment’ about suicide bombers being used to set off a weapon or what the megaton yield would be from over 15 tons of highly enriched plutonium which experts figure would be an equivalent of 17,500 Hiroshima bombs.

‘Well, now that you mention it, we feel it probably would make a pretty good bang.”



One Response to “Kerry: ‘Iran Limited To 30,000 Pound Nuke Warheads’”

  1. Bargis

    Jul 13th, 2015

    that makes sense….

Leave a Reply