by E. Williams on 07/01/16 at 7:39 pm
NORTH KOREA – (satireworld.com)
The world reacted with shock today as North Korea announced that it had successfully tested a hydrogen bomb. The thought of such a weapon in the hands of the country’s maniacal dictator, best known for his kick ass haircuts, worried leaders worldwide, though the White House doubts the claims.
“Our intelligence suggests that the blast, which registered 5.1 on the seismic scale and was centered on the country’s northeast coast, was actually a record-breaking fart by North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un,” 17 year-old White House press secretary Josh Earnest told anxious reporters.
North Korea is denying the claim from the White House, but Earnest said scientists in South Korea have inside information confirming the young dictator had just eaten Taco Bell for the first time, felt some severe gastric discomfort, and let one loose. The blast reportedly leveled trees for miles and cost Jong-un the lives of a number of his security guards after they were overcome by the foul fumes. Experts say this is the biggest butt trumpet ever recorded.
Villagers as far away as 10 miles from the epicenter said the blast shook their huts. What Kim had hoped would just be an air biscuit turned out to be an all-out ass flapper. It is rumored that the fat little madman is embarrassed that his back-end blowout was picked up by seismographs when he, literally, broke the wind. He thought the outside world would buy his hydrogen bomb story but it didn’t work.
Kim is now back at his palace with a severe case of explosive ‘Korea Diarrhea’ and vows he will never make a run for the border again. And except for his fellow countrymen, everyone around the world is breathing a huge, clean sigh of relief.