by Bargis Tryhol on 10/08/16 at 1:12 pm
Rio Olympic Village – (SatireWorld.com)
When you have to go, well, you just have to go! But for 20 time Olympic record gold medalist Michael Phelps a tell tale yellow stream lead to his expulsion from future competitions in any Olympic-sized pool.
For more than 8 years, Olympic officials tried to uncover the secret behind Phelp’s uncanny succcess in the various swimming events he participated in. Today, after scanning his wake trail under an ultra-violet light, they could see a dark yellow stream trailing away from his lower body. Yes, Olympic champion Michael Phelps urinated briskly as he breast-stroked!
Sports trainer Jackson Waters estimated the increase in Phelp’s breast stroke speed was proportionate to the force of his urine stream and could’ve shaved time from the competion clock.
“I estimated that with a full bladder and some developed pelvic muscle control, Phelps was probably able to increase his speed by at least a full body length over his competitors. I guess you can say he attributed his wins not just speed but peed!”
Team mate Cory Stelfied mentioned that Phelps ‘often taped his junk down to his leg;’ just before putting on his Speedos. “I mean, I didn’t actually stare at it, but on second thoughts, it did sorta remind me of a rear-facing pressure hose.”
According to the US Pool Association, A study by the Water Quality and Health Council found that one out of five American adults relieve themselves in the pool.
And that familiar pool smell?
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just chlorine. It happens when chlorine mixes with, yuck..human piss! Same with those red, itchy eyes. If it were just chlorine in the pool, your eyes would burn and glow after a brisk swim.
The study did not cite underage statistics, but you can bet five out of five children pee in the pool. The last thing they need is a free-flowing Olympic role model.
When asked about the bitter-sweet ending of a long and illustrious career, Phelps smiled and added, “Well, I’m just kinda relieved!”
One of the red-eyed Aussie team mates added, “I’m sure the bloke is.”