Ivana Phuque and Nastia Phuque to Compete Together as Tennis Doubles on Tour

by on 05/10/18 at 2:56 pm

Nastia (R) and Ivana take a break from practice.  The Swedish girls say they get asked lots of questions but English confuses them so much they've ended up in strange places late at night.

Nastia (R) and Ivana Phuque take a beach break from practice. The Swedish girls say they get asked lots of questions but English confuses them so much that they have ended up in some strange places late at night.

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Olympic and world champion (Speed skating and pole vault) Ivana Phuque and her sister-in-law Nastia Phuque (a five time Olympic medalist and world champion in gymnastics  herself) have announced their intention to compete as a doubles team on the tennis tour.  Ivana, who previously said that she would compete on the LPGA tour, said that she changed her mind when the opportunity to work side by side with her sister-in-law and best friend.  “I love her and cannot wait to get down and dirty with her on the tennis tour.”

“We say to all of the other women on the tour bring it on,” said Nastia.  “Anyone who takes us on is going to find out what it is like to get Phuqued in public!  Those mannish Williams sisters had better watch out because we are hot on their tails and are going to leave them in the dust.”

The sisters have announced that their tennis outfits will contain fishnet stockings (“to go with the tennis net and remind everyone that we are truly women… unlike the Williams sisters”).   They also intend to show the utmost respect for the officials (referring to recent controversy regarding a Williams sister) calling the matches because “those men may know more about where their balls are than us.”

When asked if they ever planned to play mixed doubles, Ivana was slightly confused by the question due to a slight language barrier.  She responded y saying that “we do orgies all of the time, but never on a tennis court.  Maybe in the clubhouse if they are good looking and turn us on.”

Ivana also apparently didn’t understand that she was allowed to button her blouse while on the court.  Male reporters in the press conference where she learned this tidbit all wanted to kill the one that clued her in to the word’s meaning.

Tickets for the Phuque’s training and practice sessions are selling out and are being scalped on the internet.


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