by Jalapenoman on 01/01/13 at 10:50 am
NCAA Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com)
The University of Notre Dame has filed a lawsuit against the NCAA because one of the referees (a line judge) scheduled to work in their National Championship Game isn’t Catholic. The University referred to the unwritten rules that state that the NCAA must do everything it can to see that the Fighting Irish win every game (Note: this same unwritten rule also requires Duke alumni to referee all of that team’s basketball games) and to be ranked in the top twenty five, regardless of how many games the team has lost.
The referee in question, Harrison Algernon of Denver, Colorado, is a Lutheran. Father Michael Limpwrist of Notre Dame said “they hired a Lutheran! A Lutheran? Don’t you remember that Martin Luther started that church because he didn’t like our church? Don’t you know that this is a Protestant Church, and the Protestants are protesting against us? How is this in any way fair if there is a referee in the game that doesn’t go to Confession and Mass before the start of the game? How is it fair to us that our Priest can tell him how the game is to be called?”
In retaliation, the University of Alabama pointed out that none of the referees for the game are Southern Baptists. Their comments, however, were ignored as being racist and prejudicial and seen as trying to gain an unfair advantage.
The NCAA responded to Notre Dame by pointing out that there were currently no line judges available for the game who were practicing Catholics. While there is one lapsed, non-practicing Catholic, he is a former altar boy who is currently involved in a lawsuit against the church for actions by his priest in the past (Notre Dame rejected him as a viable substitute).
The NCAA also pointed out that there were several Mormon officials available to work the game, and that this should please Notre Dame as their star player (Manti Te-o) is a Mormon. Notre Dame rejected this, however, as there is also a Mormon player on the Crimson Tide and they can’t count on a Mormon official to be one-sided.
As a compromise, officials representing the Fighting Irish have suggested that the NCAA bring in the former NFL substitute official who made the touchdown call in the endzone on the last play of the Green Bay-Seattle game earlier this season. “We think he’d do his best to make sure that everything goes our way… like he did when the Seahawks paid him before their game.”