Obama Asks Congress to Designate Detroit as a National Park

by on 24/09/13 at 6:26 am

Detroit's newest cadre of park rangers practice greeting visitors at the gate. Reortedly, admission will be free for balack people and white people will have to pay $5.00 per head to visit the historic slum areas.

Detroit’s newest cadre of park rangers practice greeting visitors at the gate. Reportedly, admission will be free for black people and white people will have to pay $5.00 per head to visit the historic slum areas. Please, no coolers or sack lunches. Food venders are throughout the park and feature a Michelle Obama approved menu. .

Washington DC – (SatireWorld.copm)

The city of Detroit MI has gone bankrupt. In order to solve the problem President Obama has sent a legislative proposal to Congress that designates Detroit as a national park.

The president’s proposal includes:

  1. Specific abutting sections of the city consisting of a minimum size of 2.5 acres will be designated by a Special Congressional Commission as being a new national park.
  2. The existing infrastructure and ecosystem of the new national park will not be altered by any additional human exploitation (no federal benefits) or new occupants. Current property owners and/or their descendants will have a 99 year lease with the government, then the land returning to nature.
  3. The prohibition against exploitation of nature and natural resources is waived for activities such as sport, fishing, hunting, the need for management facilities and sanitary facilities for visitors.
  4. Visitors will be allowed to enter, under special conditions, for inspirational, educative, cultural, historical and recreational purposes.
  5. The Department of the Interior will have a yearly budget and a staff sufficient to provide effective internal protection. The local city police forces will be incorporated into the National Park Service as armed Park Rangers to patrol the new national park.
  6.  The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) border security funds will be increased to maintain a secure fence, including border control agents carrying AR-15 Assault Rifles around each city section designated as a national park.
  7. Environmentalists will be allowed to transfer the overpopulation of white tailed deer from Maryland and other northeastern states so they can be reintroduced into the city for hunting. This procedure would assure residents adequate food supplies and thus allow the elimination of Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) cards (food stamps). The Feral cat population may also be used as a source of food, but not stray dogs.
  8. Illegal firearms are currently readily available for hunting and may be supplemented with bows and arrows.
  9. Reintroduction of wolves, bears and other predators will occur at a later time.

The US Congress in a bipartisan vote agreed to the president’s legislative proposal for Detroit to be designated a national park. Congress is considering additional legislation to designate Chicago IL, Baltimore MD, Cleveland OH, Los Angeles CA and Miami FL as national parks!



2 Responses to “Obama Asks Congress to Designate Detroit as a National Park”

  1. captain america

    Sep 24th, 2013

    …any bag limit?

    Blow guns and spears authorized?

    where are all those planned parenthood clinics being moved?

    is the rubble being recycled and given to the muslims to enforce Sharia law, or will they be left unarmed to fend for themselves??

    Great idea, BTW!

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Sep 27th, 2013

    The incompetent in chief manages to find $300 million for a Detroit bailout, but not any spare change to fund White House tours!

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