by E. Williams on 04/06/15 at 7:47 pm
BROOKLYN – (satireworld.com)
The Hillary Clinton campaign has acknowledged what many have suspected – the former First Lady is allergic to journalists and American peasants. Skin tests were conducted at Johns Hopkins last week and the results were made public today. The diagnosis seems to explain Mrs. Clinton’s avoidance of all those not already within her very tiny bubble of an existence.
Reporters on the campaign trail have noticed that whenever Mrs. Clinton is brought within a certain proximity to lowly, non-government people, she tends to start babbling, often saying things that come back to bite her in the ass later. Just the other day, she snapped at a peasant who tried to make nice with her by responding to the offending, piece-of-trash voter, “Go to the end of the line.”
Clinton assistant, Huma Weiner, said this is what happens when Mrs. Clinton doesn’t feel good. “She gets these flu-like symptoms when she is around press or regular people. You see, she is so far above the ordinary person and, as a member of the public at large, the only way to rid yourself of the offending allergy to Hillary is to have a lot of money. You’ll notice she doesn’t have these symptoms around rich people who give to either her directly or to the Clinton Foundation. But that lady she told to go to the back of the line clearly wasn’t a millionaire.”
Like with any allergy, doctors have advised Hillary that the best treatment is avoidance of the offending allergen(s). In this case, that means avoiding the American people and journalists, who Mrs. Clinton compares to “mosquitos,” because they’re an annoyance and appear to serve no useful purpose to mankind.